Bill Curry: A Perfect Grandmother

At the zenith of his political power, Democrat Bill Curry was a silly and soft loser with a clammy handshake. I haven't decided if the fact that the Hartford Courant has given him a weekly column serves as the coda of a dismal political career, or if it allows him to cling to delusions of significance. Perhaps both. In any event, if you miss this former state comptroller and three-time loser for the office of governor, you can find his unique combination of ignorance and alacrity alive and well in that publication. When reading his column one can almost see him at home, pretending to be governor, presiding over his chimerical administration in his underpants in front of the bathroom mirror.

Every week Curry lectures his readers like an old lady, fervently convinced his reader is stupid, and that his pearls of wisdom may throw some light on the darkness of your dim existence. He is a perfect little grandmother.

Sometimes he tries to remind us that he spent some time in the Clinton White House (do you hear a porno guitar in your head like I do when someone says "Clinton White House"?), and that he may have read a book by Zbigniew Brzezinski. It is during these heady moments that we get a treatise on foreign policy from him. Naturally, when I seek authoritative insight into the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, I seek out Bill Curry's writings.

Today, he very courageously piled onto Don Imus. Bill lets you know that he is such a special and sweet man that Imus's caustic style made him stop listening to him ten years ago. Somehow, in Curry's mind, Imus's failure to apologize in a timely fashion for a racial slur is equated to Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez's failure to commit suicide over the alleged political firing of assistant district attorneys. Do you get that? Don Imus and the "nappy headed ho" remark are the moral equivalent of an AG firing his own employees, which he is entitled to do, for any reason at all.

Incidentally, the Bush administration fried 7 of these attorneys. I don't recall Bill Curry being outraged when Bill Clinton summarily fired something like 93 of them, some whom were investigating his wife's Rose Law Firm, and the Whitewater affair.

If you ask me, Don Imus can be more successfully compared with Curry himself. They are both aging dinosaurs of heavily diminished significance, and for all obvious indications, aren't paying much attention to their physical health.

Curry is a lightweight, but a delightful one. If they can pay Bill Curry to write about foreign policy, I may still have a shot at piloting a space shuttle.