Global Warming Party Cooly Attended

I had the distinctly accidental pleasure of meandering through Bushnell Park in Hartford this afternoon where a "rally" was being held to raise awareness about global warming, and call for Congressional action. Now you may not have heard of the concept of global warming, so it's clear we need to get the word out there.

Organizers are saying that they want the United States to reduce so-called greenhouse gas emissions by 80% by the year 2050. They are asking Congress to take the lead, because as you know, it's as simple as passing a law! Let's assume global warming is actually taking place for just a moment (I don't happen to believe in it). Reduce our emissions by 80%? What would America look like under such conditions?

Well, judging from the looks of the people I saw today, I can tell you that an America in their image would be a filthy America indeed. It would have lots of men with ponytails and open-toed shoes. There would be many gray-haired frizz-headed bespectacled bra-less women. This new America would also feature a great deal of body odor. Why is it that the activists who seem the most obsessed about air quality are the ones whose bodies reduce it in our presence?

But don't get me wrong. There were about fifty people tops at this "rally." It's only newsworthy because it's a feel-good liberal cause with an anti-capitalist underpinning.

Evidently similar events were held simultaneously in Simsbury, New Haven, and New Hartford. Perhaps you saw one today. But you may not have been able to discern one of these gatherings from a collection of bums under a bridge cooking food in a trash can.

These people miss the point. But by the looks of them, they also miss the toilet regularly.