Vege-tarded

Animal rights enthusiasts and environmental absurdists are always good fun to watch. And CT News Junkie seems like they are always good at drawing a beat on these people.

Earlier this week I enjoyed their article on the two PETA chicks known as the "Lettuce Ladies" who stood in lettuce bikinis at a Hartford gas station giving out two free gallons of gasoline to anyone who took one of their "tofurkey" sandwiches, trying to promote veganism.

They are alternately known as Colleen Higgins and Ashley Byrne, and they are travelling across the region in their vegetable danskins with a cause. Byrne, according to CNJ makes a startling claim: "She said the United Nations reported that the meat industry is responsible for more green house gas emissions than all transportation combined."

I say blame Germany. They're the ones who make all that gassy sausage.

Then there is this tidbit: "Byrne attributed her beauty, which did not go unnoticed by the passing cars and gas station customers, to her vegan lifestyle." The modesty is disarming. Maybe a tofurkey sandwich is good for your complexion, but it looks like evidence now suggests it makes you retarded.

Perhaps the most fascinating aspect of this is that they were giving away GASOLINE. I know they are trying to make the point that sausage farts are apparently killing the Earth faster than car exhaust, but isn't gasoline supposed to be made up of ground-up squished dinosaurs?

Where the hell is PETA's love for the noble brontosaurus? They are ignoring the Paleozoic holocaust, and were squeezing countless pterodactyl corpses into motorists' gas tanks! Oh, the humanity!

Interestingly, these two aren't the original Lettuce Ladies. It's part of a larger soft-core vegetable porn campaign by PETA. Go here to see more dignified things such a tofu bikini wrestling and learn about how meat causes impotence. Here I was thinking it was the cure.