Scrub Up

We've all been there. You're in the restroom. Maybe you're in one of the stalls, doing what you have to do... you hear someone come in, relieve themselves, and saunter out without so much as a squirt of soap or a drop of water. It's nasty.

Once I was at a wedding and observed someone do that. Later, I was introduced to him. He was insulted to see I was unwilling to shake hands. I was insulted he offered me his pee pee mitt.

This is apparently a gigantic problem. Particularly when those people are in the food service industry. No one wants the flavor of their food to have a little wang in it.

Naturally, government must step in. Evidently, the State Department of Public Health is undertaking a "Two Hands at a Time" public service hand-washing campaign.

A child old enough to wipe himself or herself generally gets this advanced level of education they are spending our tax dollars to promote. It usually come along with the "better to wipe front-to-back than back-to-front" section of instruction.

I know a lot of liberals can use some hygienic tips. I doubt they even use toilet paper at the Democratic National Convention. Why kill a forest for the sake of cleaning some dirty backsides?

Coming soon: public service campaigns to instruct you how to brush your teeth and tie your shoes, and keep you from eating broken glass, or urinating into an electrical socket.