Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Airport Body Scan Freakout

I don't know what the big deal over the incredibly effective body scans at airports is.  Look at this image for instance.  Not only can we tell that this woman is packing heat, but we also know she needs to wash her ass a little better.

The outrage of people who insist this is a violation of their rights are being absurd.  Their right to hide the fact that they have back fat or weird nipples does not outweigh my right to not get blown up on an airplane.

Opponents of this great technology are outraged that refusal to submit to the scan results in an "enhanced pat-down" - a physical search where breasts and genitals are felt.  They contend this is tantamount to sexual assault. Yet on any flight you have been on, maybe there were four in 200 that you might actually want to feel up. Trust me, this is not thrilling the airport security folks...  there's no bragging rights in going to third base with a 400 lb. sweaty tourist in a mu mu in a United terminal.

Folks who object to this are not crusaders for privacy rights.  They are people who are embarrassed by their own unattractive buttocks, or are terrified that the world may know that one of their testicles hangs lower than the other.  Then of course, there is that small group of people who actually want to sneak weapons and explosives onto an airplane - the purpose of all of this in the first place.

If you're embarrassed about your hideous figure, or object to the exposure of how fat your ass is, that's no excuse to jeopardize my safety.  Go hit a gym.  Then perhaps on your next international flight you can take great pride in your body scan.  Passersby will marvel at your firm buttocks!  You may be asked to sign a printout of the scan.  And if fellow passengers happen to know you're circumcised and carrying a a tube of personal lubricant in your pocket, so be it.

The perennial question "How's it hanging?" verified by TSA.

3 comments:

Judy Aron said...

Sorry Headless... but if TSA is passing on inspecting people with Burquas, then you still might get blown up.

This is nothing more than an attempt of government to get us to comply like good sheep to do whatever it is they want us to do.
4th amendment rights still means omething to some people (one of those people is me).

I don't think it is right to have 4 year olds and nuns and old ladies scanned and groped.

This does nothing to make flying more or less safer...
and by the way - I know someone who had 2 canisters of pepper spray in their purse and still got by these morons.

Headless Horseman said...

Well, we need to get up those burquas! With dignity of course.

See, that's the propblem... if they had had their canisters of pepper spray stuffed up their asses they would have been caught. no one thought to check the purse. Alas, more work needs to be done.

Michael said...

"more work needs to be done."

If you really want a cavity search, all you need do is ask.