Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Plates in the Head

The State Legislature is apparently considering creating two special license plates, one to support our troops, and the other to honor the career choice of nursing.

This from the New Haven Register today. According to the article, the funds raised from these plates will go to charities that assist veterans and soldiers, and to scholarships for those entering nursing.

I certainly wouldn't argue against either proposed plate, as both are undeniably worthy causes. The troop one in fact is being considered nationwide.

State legislators get their own special plates that identify them as members of the General Assembly. These, presumably, entitle them to park in handicapped spaces, and avoid tickets while travelling all over the state to have Sierra Club dinners and inspect prisons. These are probably the most expensive vanity plates Connecticut issues, costing us all roughly $18 billion a year.

Anyhow, it's really high time that Connecticut developed some other vanity plates. Below are some of my humble suggestions. Perhaps they can be adopted by a legislator?

The Caruso Plate - Funds from this vanity plate go toward funding the various past and future attempts of Rep. Chris Caruso to sue himself into higher office.

The Blizzard Pass Plate - If Rep. Peter Tercyak gets his way, only one lane of state highways will be plowed during snowstorms, and the savings passed on to non-profits. Purchase of this plate will allow you to contribute to the non-profit that pays Tercyak, and drive through that one special plowed traffic lane.

The Bumper Sticker Plate - This one can go hand-in-hand with the new Citizen's Election Fund. Since state tax dollars are already going toward paying for political bumper stickers, lawn signs, and various junk, you can pick out a license plate that advocates for your preferred candidate, and your money gets dumped into the CEF where it is wasted on buying Chinese food for poll workers or Subway sandwiches for phone bankers.

CT Criminal Justice Plate - This plate is made by criminals who are incarcerated for violent felonies, and is subsequently given to them for free after they get out of jail due to "judicial discretion." They can place it on their car on their way to committing a third violent felony for which they will be incarcerated briefly for.

The Jim Amann M.S. Plate - This special plate helps defray the costs of strong-arming lobbyists to contribute to the M.S. Society's salary for Speaker Jim Amann.

The Skittles Plate - This license plate generates funds for the education of children who are expelled from public school for selling candy and soda to other school children.

Leftwing Blogger Plate - Designed to look like underpants. Plate is twice as expensive as a normal plate, but other people have to buy it for you.

The Michael Bolton Plate - This plate would raise money to collect and incinerate compact discs of the perennial embarrassment to Connecticut, Michael Bolton.

Of course, if Connecticut keeps going the way it's going, most of us will be getting new license plates in the new states we move to from here.


liberty_or_death said...

I'll tell you what I don't want a Skittles Plate.

I can't believe gov't is dumb enough to create a black market for children. Unfortunately we are training the drug and gun dealers of the future.

I guess we are so used to crime now that the state gov't figures why not let them perfect their skills at a young age?

Black markets are only necessary when gov't bans products. I hope none of these kids get fronted the candy and can't come through with the cash. It could start getting ugly in the hallways.

mccommas said...

I guess I missed the skittles story you were referencing. I would love to hear it.

I trust it’s another government run amok incident?

Headless Horseman said...

Oh, you never saw the skittles story?

Here it is!

mccommas said...

Well as the Church Lady would say "Isn't that special!"

As the page was being downloaded and I saw it was CNN I thought "Oh Good. At least it isn't a Connecticut school".

Then I saw the first two words of the story and went (as Homer Simpson would say) -- Dohhh!

For the love of Christ. This even tops the kindergartener who was suspended for packing heat -- a tiny pink water gun.

What could be more harmless than candy? As I say in all these cases, someone should be fired but no one ever is.

What will they do next? There is no sense of proportion.