Sample Ethics Test for Democrats

The General Assembly's Democrats sure do like to talk ethics these days. You'd think they were the cleanest, most upright bunch of ladies and gentlemen you'd ever seen. Senator Don Williams has noted that legislators do not get ethics training. I think it's high time they receive it, and take a test afterward.

Below I have taken the liberty of suggesting some questions for that test. I invite any Democratic state legislator to take my exam and we can publish his/her score. I think we know how a number of Democrats in recent years would have done on this test.

Pencils in hands... and... BEGIN!

• Should I be duking a legislative liaison with a financial interest in legislation we are jointly working on? Y or N?

• Is it ethical as Speaker to twist the arms of lobbyists to contribute to the no-profit organization that employs me? Y or N?

• Should I get enough DWI arrests to land me in prison? Y or N?

• Should I allow my tiny dog to roam the Legislative Office Building freely and crap all over committee room carpets, and then blame the seeing eye dog of a legislative employee? Y or N?

• Should I be a cocaine addict and use my campaign funds to pay for personal expenses? Y or N?

• Can I ejaculate all over my foster son? Y or N?

• Can I sign fake names to a petition to get my name on a primary ballot? Y or N?
  

• Can I accept a cash bribe in my legislative office? Y or N?
  

• Is voter fraud cool? Y or N?

• Can I, as Speaker of the House, take my $2 million contingency meant for statewide projects and use it to primarily benefit my individual legislative district? Y or N?
  

Pencils down! Turn in your papers.